I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
