I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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