Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dick has a subreddit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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