after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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