looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
