Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
