I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
