I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
