I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
