Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
