I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
