dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
