Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
