Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
