Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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