no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
