Jerry, you need to find god
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
