I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
