i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
