Already got asked if we're dating
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
