so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
