im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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