your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
