Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
