ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
