He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the raccoons are back...
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