Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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