I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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