I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
