i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
