my shit smells like andre
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
