So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
