Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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