i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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