dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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