Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
