so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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