I want to walk on stilts...naked
even my farts smell like vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
