It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
