you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
