kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
