apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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