If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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