dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
