I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
