I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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