Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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