My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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