This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i have two assholes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
