Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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