i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
